well, how are ya tumbloggers? been a while since the last time i rant. i miss doing this soo much.. but oh what the hell, no one is gonna read it anyway, people are now too busy with their gifted life.

so why am i writing right now? i have no idea.

guess writing a journal makes me feel…free.

anyway, my point is,

im bored. im fucking bored.

it’s been almost a week since i got back from indonesia for holiday. and since i got a boyfriend over here, being apart from him for 2 months was such a pain in the ass. and though now im back in melbourne, it’s still sucks balls.

why? my parents are staying for 2 weeks.

i dont mind my dad, but i never really have a good relationship with my mum. i cant even catch up with my goddamn friends when she’s around. god, she’s so.. how do you put this.. she’s everything that you want to stay away from.

i know i sound like a horrible person to say this about my mum, but really, i never really known her, i never really lived with her, i was always been taken care of by a nanny… i don’t fucking know her. but i love her. well how come? she brought me to this crazy world, i love her for that. but overall.. who the fuck is she? to be honest, what the fuck is ‘mum’?

and yet she’s still controlling me. you know, asian parents. not only asian parents but RELIGIOUS asian parents. that’s a double combo right there.

i don’t hate my life, i fucking love it. i just can’t stand living with her, being around her, i can’t stand it. i can’t even describe or compare to anything about how miserable living under her control is. i’d rather just roll in the deep.

well, there’s no use ranting about shit too much. especially in a site where everybody is busy reblogging indie stuff and find some lovely quotes. i understand if my ranting is ‘invisible’. i don’t care.

but, i feel lonely. i want someone to talk to at a time like this, at night, when, trust me, i wont be able to sleep. i want someone to comfort me. i want that someone. my someone, would be awesome.

i just hope whoever the fuck that someone is, can hear me silently screaming.

goddamnit. this is bull shit.

holy shit middle

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“Why do people say “grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding!”

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blaaargh:

Phurba (dagger), late 15th century

The ritual dagger (Sanskrit: kila; Tibetan: phurba) is essential to the dispelling of evil and understood as being especially helpful in neutralizing the forces that impede Tantric Buddhist practice. Its origins are ancient, appearing in the Indian Rg Veda as the central blade of the vajra that Indra used to slay the primordial cosmic snake Vritra. Its Sanskrit term, kila, which means peg or stake, was probably linked to Vedic sacrifices. The three-headed Vajrakila Buddha is invoked through meditation on the Vajrakila Tantra, an early Indian text first propagated in Tibet in the eighth century by Padmasambhava, one of the founding masters of Tibetan Buddhism. In this phurba, a half-vajra projects from Vajrakila’s chignon, and a fully elaborated vajra serves as the hilt, below which project boars’ heads. Rock crystal, valued for its purity and ability to transmit light, is a prized material in this context and thus seen as analogous to the Buddha’s dharma and its immutable higher reality. Along with examples in meteoritic iron, rock-crystal phurba are regarded as the most efficacious in the destruction of obstacles to enlightenment.

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shiverthewolf:

Mmm kiss me gay boy!

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